Thursday, March 31, 2011

' T H E   C A M I L L A G A T E   T A P E S '

Full Transcript of a telephone conversation between Prince Charles and 
Camilla Parker Bowles the 45 year old wife of a bridadier.

The six minute bedtime conversation is said to be recorded by a scanner user
on December 18th 1989. There are also reports that infact the conversation
was recorded by MI5 at GCHQ and re-broadcasted several times in the hope
a scanner user would record it and leak it to the papers. There is also
reports that infact 27 other similar tapes exist in the MI5 vaults.

First published in an Australia Magazine 'New idea' and then followed by press
in Germany, America, Italy, Switzerland and Ireland. It was then published
in the Daily Sport circulation 210,000 and Kent Today Circulation 34,000.
It was also widely faxed from machine to machine in the House of Commons,
Business centres and in the civil service around the U.K including the
security services of course.

Finally two major newspapers the Sunday Mirror and Sunday People printed in
it full on 17th January 1993 making it available to the millions.

Now it's available to you for no charge, See what you think.

The tape begins a small way though the conversation and lasts six minutes
until Charles hangs the phone up.

Charles: He was a bit anxious actually

Camilla: Was he?

Charles: He thought he might of gone too far.

Camilla: Ah well.

Charles: Anyway you know that's the sort of thing one has to beware of. And
         sort of feel one's way along with - if you know what I mean.

Camilla: Mmmm. You're awfully good feeling your way along.

Charles: Oh Stop! I want to feel my way along you, all over you and up and
         down you and in and out...

Camilla: Oh!

Charles: Particularly in and out!

Camilla: Oh. that's just what I need at the moment.

Charles: Is it?

At this point the scanner enthusiast speaks over the couple to record the

Scanner Enthusiast: December 18th

Camilla: I know it would revive me. I can't bear a Sunday night without you.

Charles: Oh, God.

Camilla: It's like that programme Start the Week. I can't start the week without you.

Charles: I fill up your tank!

Camilla: Yes, you do

Charles: Then you can cope.

Camilla: Then I'm all right

Charles: What about me? The trouble is I need you several times a week.

Camilla: Mmmm, so do I. I need you all the week. All the time.

Charles: Oh. God. I'll just live inside your trousers or something. It would be
         much easier!

Camilla: (laughing) "what are you going to turn into, a pair of knickers?

Both laugh

Camilla: Oh, You're your'e going to come back as a pair of knickers.

Charles: Or, God forbid a Tampax. Just my luck! (Laughs)

Camilla: You are a complete idiot (Laughs) Oh, what a wonderful idea.

Charles: My luck to be chucked down the lavatory and go on and on forever
         swirling round on the top, never going down.

Camilla: (Laughing) Oh, Darling!

Charles: Until the next one comes through.

Camilla:  Oh, perhaps you could come back as a box.

Charles: What sort of box?

Camilla: A box of Tampax, so you could just keep going.

Charles: That's true.

Camilla: Repeating yourself...(Laughing) Oh, darling I just want you now.

Charles: Do You?

Camilla: Mmmmm

Charles: So do I!

Camilla: Desperately, desperately. Oh, I thought of you so much at Yaraby.

Charles: Did you?

Camilla: Simply mean we couldn't be there together.

Charles: Desperate. If you could be here - I long to ask Nancy sometimes.

Camilla: Why don't you?

Charles: I daren't

Camilla: Because I think she's in love with you.

Charles: Mmm.

Camilla: She'd do anything you asked.

Charles: She'd tell all sorts of people.

Camilla: No, she wouldn't because she'd be much too frightened of what
         you might say to her. I think you've got - I'm afraid it's a
         terrible thing to say - but I think , you know, those sort of people
         do feel very strongly about you. You've got such a hold over her.

Charles: Really?

Camilla: And you're..... I think, as usual, you're underestimating yourself.

Charles: But she might be terribly jealous or something.

Camilla: Oh! (Laughs) Now that's a point! I wonder, she might be, I suppose.

Charles: You never know, do you?

Camilla: No, The little green eyed monster might be lurking inside her. No,
         But I mean the thing is your'e so good when people are so flattered
         to be taken into your confidence, but I don't know they'd betray
         you. You know, real friends.

Charles: Really?

Camilla:  I don't (Pause)

Camilla:  Gone to sleep?

Charles: No, I'm here.

Camilla: Darling, listen I talked to David tonight again. It might not be
         any good.

Charles: Oh, no!!

Camilla: I'll tell you why. He's got these children of one of those Crawley
         girls and their nanny staying. He's going. I'm going to ring him
         again tomorrow. He's going to try and out them off till Friday. But
         as an alternative, perhaps I might ring up Charlie.

Charles: Yes

Camilla: And see if we could do it there. I know he is back on Thursday.

Charles: It's quite a lot further away.

Camilla: Oh, is it?

Charles: Well, I'm just trying to think. coming from Newmarket.

Camilla: Coming from Newmarket to me at that time of night, you could
         probably do it in two and three quarters, It takes me three.

Charles: What to go to, Um, Bowood?

Camilla: Northmore.

Charles: To go to Bowood?

Camilla: To go to Bowood would be the same as the same as me really,
         wouldn't it?

Charles: I mean to say, you would suggest going to Bowood, uh?

Camilla: No, not at all.

Charles: Which Charlie then?

Camilla: What Charlie do you think I was talking about?

Charles:  I didn't know, because I thought you meant.....

Camilla: I've got lots....

Charles: Somebody else.

Camilla: I've got lots of friends called Charlie.

Charles: The other one, Patty's.

Camilla: Oh! Oh!, There! Oh that is further away. They're not....

Charles: They've gone.....

Camilla: I don' know. it's just, you know, just a thought I had,
         If it fell through, the other place.

Charles: Oh, Right. What do you do? Go on the M25 then down the M4 is it?

Camilla: Yes, you go, um, and sort of Royston or M11, at that time of night.

Charles: Yes, well, that'll be just after shooting anyway.

Camilla: So it would be, um, you'd miss the worst of the traffic. Because
         I'll er.... You see the problem is I've got to be in London
         tomorrow night.
Charles: Yes

Camilla: Would you believe it? Because, I don't know what he's doing. He's
         shooting down here or something. but, darling, you wouldn't be able
         to ring me anyway,  would you?

Charles: I might just, I mean, tomorrow night I could have done.

Camilla: Oh Darling, I can't bear it. How could you have done tomorrow night?

Charles: Because I'll be (Yawns) working on the next speech.

Camilla: Oh no, what's the next one?

Charles: A Business in The Community one, rebuilding communities

Camilla: Oh no, when's that for?

Charles: A rather important one for Wednesday.

Camilla: Well at least I'll be behind you.

Charles: I know.

Camilla: Can I have a copy of the one you've just done?

Charles: Yes

Camilla: Can I? um, I would like it.

Charles: OK, I'll try and organize it.

Camilla: Darling

Charles: But I, oh God, when am I going to speak to you?

Camilla: I can't bear it... Umm.......

Charles: Wednesday night?

Camilla: Oh, certainly Wednesday night. I'll be alone, um, Wednesday,
         you know, the evening. Or Tuesday. while you're rushing around doing
         things I'll be, you know, alone until it reappears.
         And early Wednesday morning, I mean, he'll be leaving at half past
         eight, quarter past eight. he won't be here Thursday, pray God. Um,
         that ambulance strike, it's  a terrible thing to say this, I suppose
         it won't have come to an end by Thursday,

Charles: It will have done?

Camilla: Well, I mean I hope for everybody's sake it will have done, but I
         hope for our sakes it's still going on.

Charles: Why?

Camilla: Well, because if it stops he'll come down here on Thursday night.

Charles: Oh no.

Camilla: Yes, but I don't think it will stop, do you?

Charles: No, neither do I. just our luck.

Camilla: It just would be our luck, I know.

Charles: Then it's bound to.

Camilla: No it won't. You mustn't think like that. You must think positive.

Charles: I'm not very good at that.

Camilla: Well  I'm going to. Because if I don't, I'd despair. (Pause)
         Hmmm  -  gone to sleep?

Charles: No, How maddening.

Camilla: I know, Anyway, I mean  he's doing his best to change it, David .
         But I just thought, you know, I might ask Charlie.

Charles: Did he say anything?

Camilla: No, I hav'nt talked to him.

Charles: You havn't?

Camilla: Well I talked to him briefly, but you know, I just thought I -
         I just don't know whether he's got any children at home, that's the

Charles: Right.

Camilla: Oh, Darling. I think I'll .............

Charles: Pray just Pray.

Camilla: It would be so wonderful to have just one night to set us on our
         way, wouldn't it?
Charles: Wouldn't it? To wish you a Happy Christmas.

Camilla: (Indistinct) Happy. Oh, don't let's think about Christmas. I can't
          bear it. (Pause)  Going to go to sleep ? I think you'd better,
          don't  you darling?

Charles: (Sleepy) Yes, Darling?

Camilla: Will you ring me when you wake up?

Charles: Yes I will.

Camilla: Before I have these rampaging children around. It's Tom's birthday
         tomorrow. (Pause) You all right?

Charles: Mmm. I'm all right.

Camilla: Can I talk to you, I hope, before  those rampaging children....

Charles: What time do they come in?

Camilla: Well usually Tom never wakes up at all, but as it's his birthday
         tomorrow he might just stagger out of bed. It won't be before half
         past eight. (Pause)  Night, night, my darling.

Charles: Darling.....

Camilla: I do love you.

Charles: (Sleepily) Before...

Camilla: Before half past eight.

Charles: Try and ring?

Camilla: Yeah, if you can. Love you darling.

Charles: Night, Darling

Camilla: I love you.

Charles: I love you too. I don't want to say goodbye.

Camilla: Well done for doing that. You're a clever old thing.
         An awfully good brain lurking there, isn't there? Oh, darling, I
         think you ought to give the brain a rest now. Night, Night.

Charles: Night darling, God bless.

Camilla: I do love you and I'm so proud of you.

Charles: Oh, I'm so proud of you.

Camilla: Don't be silly. I've never achieved anything.

Charles: You're greatest achievement is to love me.

Camilla: Oh, darling easier than falling off a chair.

Charles: You suffer all these indignities and tortures and calumnies.

Camilla: Oh, darling don't be so silly I'd suffer anything for you. That's
         love. It's the strength of love. Night, night.

Charles: Night darling. Sounds if you're dragging an enormous piece of string
         behind you, with hundreds of tin pots and cans attached to it. Night
         night, before the battery goes. (Blows kiss) Night.

Camilla: Love you.

Charles: Don't want to say goodbye.

Camilla: Neither do I, but you must get some sleep, Bye.

Charles: Bye, darling.

Camilla: Love you.

Charles: Bye.

Camilla: Hopefully talk to you in the morning.

Charles: Please.

Camilla: Bye, I do love you.

Charles: Night.

Camilla: Night.

Charles: Night.

Camilla: Love you forever

Charles: night.

Camilla: G'bye. bye my darling.

Charles: Night.

Camilla: Night, night.

Charles: Night.

Camilla: Bye bye.

Charles: Going.

Camilla: Gone.

Charles: Going.

Camilla: Gone

Charles: Night.

Camilla: Bye, Press the button.

Charles: Going to press the tit.

Camilla: All right darling, I wish you were pressing mine.

Charles: God, I wish I was, Harder and harder.

Camilla: Oh, darling.

Charles: Night.

Camilla: Night.

Charles: Love you.

Camilla: (Yawning) Love you. Press the tit.

Charles: Adore you. Night.

Camilla: Night.

Charles: Night.

Camilla: (Blows a kiss)

Charles: Night.

Camilla: G'night my darling, Love you.

Charles then finally hangs up the phone....