McCann Memorial Day
Warning! Do not read any newspaper today. Switch off all televisions and radios. Carry an airline type vomit bag at all times. Ensure all blood-pressure medication is taken at dawn. Stay inside and be safe! Sirens will sound when it is safe to emerge.
Parked cars will be towed away.
Progress Report.Our commercial & cultural desk writes:Meanwhile we report highly satisfactory progress in the gradual collapse of the Bureau’s enemy – the late twentieth century UK press, which embarked on its death ride in May 2007. Not the token villains like Murdoch but the journalists who write the lies voluntarily for loadsamoney. There are fewer of them now and their numbers continue to decline in a most comforting manner.Their earnings are frozen. They are being made redundant on a regular basis. Those remaining are concerned for their careers. Hooray!
Are you going to report the latest villain Lori? You know, that one
Holloway Prison, Rebekah, no silk sheets, lots of sexual predators
Our television critic writes: It was pleasing to note that Panorama's neutral free publicity for Goncalo Amaral's book, which included for the very first time in the UK overground media the actual allegations made by that officer, has led to several of the national papers repeating the charges almost word for word, free now from the threat of libel action. Factual background always helps.Could the Bureau make a suggestion though? Whenever the BBC next uses those beloved words "Mr Amaral has made £300, 000 from the McCann affair" they follow up with, " that's slightly more than the £250, 000 earned by Clarence "Coffin Face" Mitchell (plus perks)".
*The subsequent riots provoked by this disgusting creature, involving house burnings, threats to kill and random beatings-up are on record, as was the death of 54 year old James White, a man of previous good character who had admitted indecently assaulting two girls some ten years before . After he and his wife were driven from their home by the rioters he spent a week on the run before killing himself. “He had been literally scared to death,” said his solicitor who accused the News of the World of creating a climate of hysteria in which vigilantes took the law into their own hands.
The strangled feelings we endured in 2007, the sensation of trying to shout against a tsunami, when we knew there was something amiss with all the public reporting and noise, are gone. To anyone with a sense of proportion the current outpourings of the Lazzeri spaghetti-stall school are simply comical and we can sit back and laugh, knowing that they have no connection with reality and little influence except with the dolts.
While there are far fewer journalists now there are far more of us. (If you don't know who "us" are then you don't know the score). The blogs and forums, some good, some bad, provide access to all the factual information on the McCann affair which the poor bloody Stunt Brunts and Smears Keirs aren’t even allowed to refer to.
Would you buy a second hand story off people like that? Imagine buying a car and asking for the mileage and the dodgy salesman, dark-haired. sweaty-skinned, sharp-suited, resentful-eyed, just like Smears Keir in fact, says, “Sorry, I’m not allowed to discuss that by my employers in case we get sued”. Really? “Yes sir, you just have to accept our package”.
Meanwhile the investigation in both countries goes on, undamaged by the frivolous trash written last week, undamaged even by the appearance on our public stage of a new and richly comic figure in the shape of Andy Redwood. Mr Redwood looks as if he has just been evicted from his agricultural tied cottage on the Worzalthisthen Gummeridge Estate and discusses the case as if it concerned the disappearance of a Miss Baa-Baa-Blacksheep. But even under him, or perhaps, sorry Andy, his successor, the inquiry is safe and its course foreordained: eventually, and with whatever reluctance, it will, as we've always said, have to home in on the only 9 real leads that exist, after the other 186 are discarded.
Amid all this high comedy, noise and mayhem we have the parents, who suffered the loss of their daughter and who rarely laugh, at least not when in the studios.
Their situation is a genuinely desperate one, for many, many reasons and we should never forget it.
Unfortunately they chose to deal with the disappearance of their child by deliberately spurning the police, choosing their own path and enlisting the UK media to do the job instead, thus incorporating the Madeleine McCann Case into the entertainment business and entwining their own fate and reputation with the most untruthful and corrupt institution in modern Britain, the unreformed UK press of 2007.
And they are paying the price for that choice.